Dating a Senshi
by Warrior of Ice
Summary: Complete with interjections from the other generals, one Zachary Crystal (Zoicite) shares his views on what it's like having Ami Mizuno-Anderson for a girlfriend, and why it isn't all that it's made out to be...


AN: Wow, an author's note in the beginning. I wanted to have a nice clincher, and that was that. Disclaimer on mainpage. I just needed a release from stress and decided to write a nice, light thing. I was semi-inspired by re-reading Kei's "I Told You So," which is an extremely kawaii fic. Check it out!! Anyway, I'm not a guy and never will be, so this is my best guess about what the guys think about their gals being senshi. The first few numbers may seem a little Ami-oriented, but the ending should apply to the title. ^^;; Enjoy! And feedback is good!! Very good! :)  
  
Top Ten List of Why Having a Girlfriend Who's a Sailor Senshi Isn't All It's Made Out To Be  
  
~Zachary's POV~  
You know, having a girlfriend who's also a senshi isn't all it's kicked up to be. For one thing, everything's different when the girl's Ami. Yes, I do love her, and I'd rather be gay with Kenneth   
[been there, done that ~Jed]   
than break her heart again   
[yeah, I understand the again ~Nevin].   
Ami can be very unpredictable. Yes, shy, sweet little Ami, docile and timid and-wait, are you sure we're talking about the same Ami? The Ami _I_ know and love is sweet, yes, and sometimes shy, but man can she take charge when she needs to. I swear, if Mina wasn't already the perfect leader of the senshi-and beautiful (I can say that, because Keth can't hear me-or not...)-Ami would definitely be the next choice. But then again, I'm biased. Exactly why are Ami and I at odds _again_? You'd think that with her darling little self and my charming...uh...self (shut up, Jed. Excuse me, I'm expecting an inopportune interruption soon) that nothing could go wrong, and with our high I.Q. levels that we'd know exactly how each other react to certain things...right? Dead wrong-and trust me, I've been there (dead, many, many times)   
[and wrong, too ~Jed].   
Ahem. Excuse the erroneous input. Wrong is not a part of my vocabulary.   
[what vocabulary? ~Nevin]   
Will you guys just shut up? I have something to write here, in case you haven't noticed. So. My top ten list begins! With quite a few meaningless interruptions and smart comments here and there, but you'll get the basic gist of things.  
  
1. Ah...Ami's 300 I.Q. says it all   
[but of course, you're going to say more anyway, you long-winded maniac ~Jed]   
[yeah. And is it that poor, sweet girl's fault that your brain just doesn't have the same capacity as hers? ~Nevin].   
Sheesh. Haven't you been listening to anything I've said? Ami is anything but poor and sweet! Well, okay, she's sweet when she wants to be. Devilishly sweet, like devil's food cake-especially when she's being conniving-with big blue eyes that can open wider than anyone's I've ever seen, except for Serena's. Do you know how depressing it is to have a girlfriend who's way smarter than you? She can throw at least ten million statistics at me without blinking those lusciously, beautifully long blue lashes at me. It's incredibly hard, if not impossible, to win an argument with that razor-sharp mind of hers   
[you never win any arguments, anyway. You just delude yourself into thinking you do for your ego. ~Kenneth]   
Thank you, Keth. My three wonderful, supportive friends *and fellow generals* have just had their full say in only #1. Selene and Gaia only know what will happen in the next nine. All we're lacking now is Darien's smart-ass comments, but he's off...um...you know...with Serena. So he won't be bothering us   
[yeah, and we all know about "you know" and Ami-nonexistent! Hah! ~Jed]   
Why don't we just see what Rei has to say about that? Ha. I knew it. Wimp.  
  
2. Ice is cold. Like, below-freezing and sub-zero cold. And guess who's prime element that is? If you've guessed Ami's, my friend, then you're right   
[wow...Zach has friends? And he can actually acknowledge that someone besides himself is right? Incredible!! ~Jed].   
*sigh* I'm not even going to comment. Anyway, whenever we fight, I feel like I'm always the first to apologize. I mean, she makes me so nervous, staring at me with eyes that are icier than the polar ice-caps at D-point (did I mention that she died there? For the second time? Well, now you know)   
[they _knew_ that, Zach. Not everyone is as stupid as you think. ~Kenneth]   
My patience is wearing thin. Even Keth, serious, rocky commander, is making fun of me. And you guys are wasting space! Okay. So I was saying Ami is _extremely_ cold whenever we fight, and I always get ignored. Ah, the things I put up with   
[hey, she puts up with _you_. I couldn't. ~Nevin] [well, yeah, but you aren't Ami or Kunzite. ~Jed]   
Will you _please_ shut _up_?! There we go. Plus, my *cough* amazing friends can always tell when we've been in a little spat   
[aw...I'd think lover's spat, but you know... ~Jed],   
because the air between us crackles, like pond-water freezing. Or is that when it melts? Whatever. Let me tell you this-Ami's a master at playing the snow queen   
[and believe me, she's got plenty of practice with Zach here ^.~ ~Nevin].   
OKAY. ON TO THREE.  
  
3. Well, you know how the senshi have been reborn like a gazillion times? So have the generals   
[we didn't know that... ~Jed].   
Anyway, the problem is, we know each other too well. I mean, after the first three or so times, getting to know each other again hasn't been that big a deal. When we realize that we've spent at least a fourth of our extremely short life-times getting to know each other when not only can we hear each other's thoughts at the most inopportune times   
[but that's because you have dirty thoughts ~Nevin].   
Excuse me, but maybe you're confusing me with Jed. Why don't we just ask Rei (again) about that? No? Now leave me in peace! Besides so many rebirths and re-meetings, you have to consider that Ames and I have known each other for at least a thousand years and some-odd decades. I mean, you should know everything about a person after so long, right?   
[No, stupid. ~Jed]   
I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.   
[So, why don't you get on with it then? ~Nevin]   
[Because he can't face the truth! Ha! ~Jed]   
I mean it, guys. You're really taking a lot of space up, and the readers are starting to get pissed at me. I mean, Ice is getting a headache just writing this   
[Do we care about Ice? NO! Besides, the readers were already pissed at you for being gay. And it's nothing compared to what Ami will do to you when she reads this. Okay, okay, sorry man. We'll leave-for a while. ~Jed].   
I have no clue what goes through my girlfriend's crafty, sneaky, sly, manipulative mind-most of the time. Too bad she always seems to know what's running through mine. And when I say running, I mean running _fast_. I always hope she doesn't catch the perverted ones, but I guess I don't have any luck. At least I hold a senshi of ice in my arms rather than one of fire (ha, Jed!!), but ice can be just as bad. It _burns_, too. Like in number two.   
  
4. All those damn youma hit on _my_ girlfriend, and I get in trouble for being jealous. I mean, come on! It's bad enough that they hit on her (shamelessly) but that I have to be envious of some pathetic, low-life creatures. And add all those pictures of the girls surfing the web. I have no idea where they came from, but Serena swore to me that their disguise magic prevented photographers from taking clear shots of them-besides, they don't fight nude. They only transform nude. I guess it's less hazardous that way-I mean, _I_ wouldn't want to fight naked. But that's besides the point. Those puny little creatures ogling _my_ Ami, who'll probably freeze me into some ice cube and deposit me somewhere near D-Point when she reads this, and who knows if they even have the same sex organs as we do?! Besides that, if I had access to the Gates of Time (sadly, I don't, because Setsuna knows us generals too well and forbids us from coming anywhere at least fifty kilometers from her), I'd go back and both thank and beat up the creator of senshi fukus-who must be male. Of course, Merc looks extremely hot in her uniform, but there are other people who feel the same way I do. And that makes me jealous. And I am a jealous person: of youma, of humans, of photographers...I just am. I'm lucky that Ami's rather shy in the spotlight, unlike Mina. She, V, and Venus _love_ the spotlights and cameras. I don't envy Keth in the least-at least not about this.   
  
4. This goes along with number four, sort of. So Ami gets mad at me for being jealous (and  
I have every reason to me! Especially of that Greg guy...or was it Ryo? Whatever his name is. Cheater)   
[can we say jealous? Je-ell-us... ~Jed],   
but when _I'm_ the one getting hit on, it's all my fault (despite the fact that all the others feel bad for the youma or females of the homo sapiens species that messed with me-or tried to) for being stupid or provocative or something. You'd think that she'd be _happy_ that other life-forms find me attractive, so she wouldn't be the only one   
[she is ~Kenneth]   
to think that way...and it's not like I purposefully did anything to attract their attention. I mean, Jed took off his general's shirt once, and you should've seen the expression on Rei's face: priceless. Oh, right, he said he wasn't trying to impress the youma-instead, he said it was so Ami could "take a better look" at this shallow little scrape he got. I still think he was trying to hit on her. But I didn't need to take drastic measures, because Rei took them for me   
[gotta love her...I remember that...ouch ~Jed]   
[of course you have to love her, dummy. She's your soulmate. ~Nevin].   
I thought you guys were going to grace us _without_ the benefit of your opinion?   
[Hey, if you're going to recount incidents that involve me, then I deserve to be here. Besides, I could barely breathe after number four; I was laughing so hard-just ask Keth. Even he was laughing. I swear! But okay. We'll leave you alone for a little more. ~Jed].  
  
5. Past the half-way mark but just barely! Each time we get reborn, Ami forgets about us   
okay, so I forget about her, too, but I remembered first time, _and_ by myself. On the other hand, my beautiful little water senshi always needs some Luna Mind-Meld or the Silver Crystal treatment from Serena. Can we say ouch?   
[uh, yeah, we can, Zach, because not only were you gay with Keth, you had to be blasted through a solid brick wall and into some extremely expensive computer equipment until those evasive little memories returned. ~Jed]   
[he's right. You're just complaining because you're an idiot. ~Nevin]   
Go back to stargazing, Nev. They won't rearrange your facial features or black those navy blue eyes that Lita loves.   
[As if you could do that. ~Nevin]   
We're done here. Onwards, please.  
  
6. Let's face it: Ami's a perfectionist, and so am I, but it's too a lesser degree. I'm more laid  
back about certain things. All the guys (and even the girls) are beginning to think that our study sessions are just excuses to go on "private" dates without their "sneaky and unseen" surveillance (they always get kicked out the library for some reason...). In reality, they just drag on for so long because we can't agree on _anything_-either that, or we spend like half an hour throwing facts and stats at each other until one of us is proved wrong, and that's usually me. *sigh* We spend all our precious time debating, and with life as short as it is for us (I'm expecting another rebirth anytime now)...and if _that's_ not the case, we get so into whatever it is we're researching that we lose track of time. Besides, most of our attention is dedicated to undeserving books and computers   
[Zach, man, you _are_ a computer. After all, you spend enough time at the library that you could be catalogued as a book. ~Jed].   
Again, I decline comment, but at least you know the truth now, so you can stop thinking dirty thoughts about us in your unclean mind   
[I _still_ think you're doing kinky things among the bookshelves. ~Jed]   
[Zach, what are you doing? You're wasting precious time and space. You're wasting _my_ time and space by begging me to drag Jed away each time he disturbs you. And the more time I spend stopping him is the more time I'm spending away from Mina-and you know what that means: more practice and much pain. Now get on it! ~Kenneth]   
*gulp* Going, going, going...   
[Me too!! ~Jed]   
Good riddance. Wimp.  
  
7. When actually spending some quality time with Ami (i.e. not at the library, in a battle, or   
some arcane pursuit of knowledge in the name of science and academics), we're _always_ (and I mean _always_) getting interrupted by some youma or enemy, be it daimon or under-dressed men and women. I mean, everyone thinks about Serena and Darien having their peace disrupted, but the rest of us generals and senshi matter, too. And whenever anything suspicious pops up, Ami is the first person they call, with her wondrous little mini/super computer thing. Any time someone needs a favor, it's _me_ they turn to, and Ami's not exactly pleased at some of the things they ask. Oh, and Keth and Mina? Bad combo. Not only are they almost obsessive   
[correction, they _are_ obsessive ~Jed]   
about getting any and all information about our current villains, they're extremely paranoid. They have to check up at least twice a day when we're having a break between foes (and four times when we're not) to make sure Ames hasn't picked up anything on her scanners. People should be more considerate. Hint, hint   
[my fist is very considerate to your face, Zach. As a matter of fact, it's looking forward to connecting with it if you don't finish this something soon. ~Kenneth].   
  
8. Another thing about dating a senshi is the sheer amount of gossip that circulates among   
five girls in a matter of seconds-and boy can these girls can kick ass. You should see Jed's after Rei's through with him. It's pitiful. Those little girl-talk sessions they have between classes, at lunch, after school, and every Friday night are a gen's worst nightmare. _We_ spend _our_ Friday nights chilling at Dare's house, trying to think if we've done anything talk-worthy during the week-and guess who usually has? Jed   
[I do not, you long-haired, curly, ringleted shrimp!!]! Yeah, right. Keep talking, big boy. Just this Friday, Rei stormed over to Dare's house because Lita told her she saw you-   
[shut _up_. Did you have to bring that up? ~Jed]   
Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did   
[*cracks knuckles* Now, children... ~Kenneth].   
Ahem. Anyway, it's not like _we_ say anything about what any of the senshi have done during our "guy get-togethers." Supposedly, gathering at Darien's apartment doesn't count as a "girl sleepover." Of course it's not going to be a _girl_ sleepover, we're guys   
[all except you. And maybe Keth. ~Nevin]!   
Nev! I would've expected something like that from Jed   
[well, he would've said it, but he and Kenneth are "training" right now, so I just had to add his two cents' worth. ~Nevin]!   
Oh, but there was that one time when I saw Lita walking and talking and laughing with this guy last Thursday...and it wasn't Nev. But did I tell him, like the good friend I am? Hell no! I mean, he'd just freak out without taking things into consideration   
[WHAT??!! Lita, my girl, my woman, my _soulmate_ was walking, talking, and LAUGHING with a guy who wasn't me?! ~Nevin].   
Uh...only joking? I didn't see her, really, Nev! I just made it up to see if you, uh, were reading this! Paying attention is always good!!   
[Yeah right. Then why don't you do it during class? ~Jed].   
JED!!   
[Are you sure? Absolutely positive? No doubt in your mind? ~Nevin]   
Yes, Nev. Very sure. Oh good, he's gone. I _knew_ he'd react this way, without thinking about anything like circumstances   
[uh huh-not convinced. Wasn't that time when you saw Ami and that guy...Greg? ~Keth]   
[I can just see the skeptical silver eyebrow raised! Oh yeah, I remember that now. You totally freaked out and embarrassed her, and Ami ignored you for a week! It was hilarious! Hey, Keth, remember that guy Taiki, Star Healer or whatever, who rescued Ami? And she _let_ him? ~Jed].   
I prefer to forget about that. Didn't you want me to get back to work?   
[Oh yeah, but wait a sec. This is just too good an opportunity to give up. I can't believe I forgot about that, Jed! And Ami hates it whenever Zach tries to rescue her. ~Kenneth]  
[Man, how could you forget something like that? It was hysterical!! Zach, you were so pissed! ~Jed]   
Thank you, I remember. Perfectly. It's clear in my brain. Clear as crystal. _If_ you feel the need to share your amusement about that unenjoyable incident, get out! Oh...look. They took my advice for once. Too bad they're walking off together snickering like hyenas-and I thought only Serena could do that.   
  
10. Last and definitely not least...is the state of my ego. Egos decrease dramatically in shape, size, mass, weight...everything! when a girlfriend who's also a senshi is acquired. For one thing, Ami would never, ever play the damsel in distress-or femme fatale, for that mater. I mean, a guy needs _something_ to boost his self-esteem. But no, I get stuck with a beautiful, blue-haired girl who complains heatedly about sexism, opinions against women in the workplace, and having a big, strong, masculine guy (such as I, Zachary Crystal, a.k.a. General Zoicite) to rescue her. In battle, Mercury just stands off to the side most of the time, analyzing things. When the stupid youma finally decides to notice its easy prey, do I get thanks when I swoop over and pull her out of harm's way into my wonderful, warm, comforting embrace? No, of course not. Life can't be that good. Instead, I get an irritable command for me to "put her down" and how she "knew perfectly well that the youma was coming." Then I get chewed out later by Kunzite, or Keth (if he's detransformed), about how I can't just dump everything and leave to rescue Merc, who doesn't really need to be rescued anyway. *sigh* but such is life, and I digress. A really down thing about Ami being Sailor Mercury-and this is on a serious note, guys-is that I can't protect her from anything. I don't mean attacks and stuff like that. I can't turn her face away from seeing youma being destroyed, can't help her when the prince and princess get killed each time, can't stop her from the absolutely horrible reality of the lives we lead. It really isn't that fun being reborn, and whenever Ami remembers how we've been killed...it kills _me_ another few times to see the pain on her beautiful face, in her deep, deep blue eyes. If I could, I would've done anything to prevent her from being a senshi. True, I may not have met her then, but I'd do it for her, anything to keep her from being hurt so much. There _are_ down sides to being senshi and generals, even if people don't realize it often. And maybe we don't always leave happy-happy-joy-joy lives, but as long as we're together, everything will be okay. It won't matter how many times I have to be reborn, churned through that nasty Time Stream, as long as I come out one way or another and see her again, and see her I will. It's a promise, Ami-ko, so don't get mad over the rest of the stuff I whined about here. Here's more of my poor but hard-learned Japanese: aishiteru. And my native English: forever and always. 


End file.
